I had always thought that going to a therapist was for people who didn't have their lives figured out. It was for those who needed a place to vent. A place to lay down on a couch, close their eyes and tell their life story. At least that is how TV made it out to be. I had thought this until I actually went to one. I had to swallow SO much pride to step into his office. And even then it was...different. I thought "Why am I going to tell this guy my life, he clearly knows nothing about what I am going through." My very first meeting with him I was talking through some problems and I remember telling him about my college psychology class and how I was terrified that I could drown my children like the woman in the video. With my anxiety so high, I don't remember getting much out of those sessions, but I do remember a very wise piece he told me. He told me that it I was projecting other peoples lives onto my own. I knew NOTHING about this lady. I didn't know her upbringing, her mental state, her life experiences, yet I was afraid I was her. How does that make sense?
When watching the news, I find myself doing this. "What if I die in a car accident like that? What if I die in child birth like that woman?" But what I'm not considering are all of the factors that go into that incident- Was that person wearing a seatbelt? Were they texting and driving? What was the ladies health history? Was she taking all the precautions that she could? It is SO easy to compare others lives, to project what happened to them onto us. What we don't take into account is what we are in charge of. We don't consider our divine potential, our purpose, our choices that we make to bring us to where we are.
I find myself projecting and comparing with Social Media. I find myself glancing at a picture and then either wanting to be them, wanting to be where they are, or wondering what if those incidents happen to me. What if I get divorced, or my kids don't talk to me when I'm older, What if my husband leaves me?
But Girl, what if NONE of those things happen. What if you create a life so much better. What if you create something so much greater. What if the choices you make lead to a life of happiness and bliss.
When projecting and comparing I feel my anxiety rise. I feel that I am not there, my presence is gone and I am short with my Husband and children. Is this the life I really want to live? A life of projection, comparison, and not being present? On my mission, my Mission President's wife would say, "Be where you are." If you are with someone, be there with them. Pay attention, don't let your mind be somewhere else. Don't be wishing you were under different circumstances. Don't be on your phone in a different sphere. Don't be making up this story in your mind of a "what if" circumstance. How great does that apply to us today! BE WHERE YOU ARE. Don't be wishing you were a different mom, a different friend. You are enough! Don't let the feelings of projection make you not present. We as God's children are creators. And that is EMPOWERING. By our choices we create outcome. I remember reading stories about people who claimed that voices told them to do terrible things. For the longest time this took over my thoughts. What if I had a voice come to me, what if I convince myself of this? I had made up this story, this thought loop that it could happen. But you see, that's all these were. They were only What If's. One big cycle of what if's. Naming my child a certain name means nothing. It's a name. A voice isn't going to tell me that because I gave my child a name that I am doomed to destruction, that I am bound to do something terrible. My husband is a nurse, and something he has said to me recently stuck so strongly. "To allow a wound to heal, you have to stop touching it." To stop these thought loops, you have to stop the vicious cycle. Create a different story in your head, and ALLOW God to heal you.
The Lord can do so much for us, he can give us answers, he can comfort us, and guide us. But then it is up to us. It's up to us to create the life we want. To create a life according to our inner being that will make us happy.
I firmly believe God has a plan for each of us. His plan for me right now is to learn to master these thoughts, and I look forward to creating a life so much better than anything that I could on my own. A life full of adventure, love, and a life of me striving to Hear Him.