One night this past week, Brentyn was working his usual night shift and I was painting a room in our house at 10pm. One of my daughters came in and said she couldn’t sleep and of course, she wanted to help paint. We painted for a bit and then she sat down to talk to me about overcoming something that was really hard for her. So I paused and sat down and shared with her how proud I was and how much work it took to overcome this hard thing in her life. She looked at me and said, “and Jesus helped me”. The simple faith of a four year old… “and Jesus helped me”.
Finding peace in trials is no easy task. Peace and trials are two words that some may say do not belong in the same sentence.
The guide to the scriptures defines peace as the inner calm and comfort born of the Spirit that God gives to His faithful Saints.
Peace is given to us from our Heavenly Father to us as we are faithful. It is an inner calm. What an amazing gift that we are given when we are faithful! When going through trials it is easy to loose faith, easy to question everything and easy to be short sighted!
When I received this assignment my heart skipped a beat. Peace in trials. Trials are obviously hard things. Sometimes I just want to push them to the back of my brain so that I don’t have to revisit them. Well at least that’s what the natural man wants me to do. It was a hard thing… why revisit it? Why bring up the heart ache? The many prayers delivered up. The seemingly silence that had me believe I wasn’t being listened to.
As I pondered not wanting to bring up trials in the past I felt even more promoted to think about it. To think about the prayers that actually were answered. The angels that were there to help me. The silence that in reality brought me peace.
Pregnancies for me are a breeze. It’s the postpartum that is a beast. After my second daughter, my world was dumped upside down. I dealt with postpartum anxiety and depression and specifically intrusive thoughts. I had never experienced anything like it. These were thoughts that I knew weren’t my own, they were not things that I ever intended on doing, but somehow felt so real. And I would just obsess over them. I constantly felt a cloud over me. I was constantly wrapped up in my own head and just didn’t feel present. I was there, but I wasn’t there. It was kind of this glazed over feeling while your mind was firing thoughts that you couldn’t even keep up with.
I cried. A lot. I prayed. A lot. My constant prayer was- Heavenly Father. I have faith. And I know it’s possible, why can’t you just take these thoughts from me? Take these thoughts and make me whole again. Allow me to be myself again. Be that girl who Brentyn married. Be the mom that I’ve always wanted to be.
This was a prayer for months. At the time I had no clue what I was dealing with. I knew it had to do with postpartum but I had no answer of what it was. Months went by and I was scared and unsure of myself and unsure if Heavenly Father was even listening to me because surely if something this hard was going on in his precious daughters life then something would change.
I remember looking for a quick fix. I spent way too much money that we didn’t have on courses that were my hope to be a cure all. Although nothing had that magic touch of just fixing me, bit by bit heavenly father was showing me tools through various ways that I could use to better myself, to bring me peace.
I remember apart of one course in particular was to meditate. I know. I wasn’t even sure of it. But doing this allowed the spirit to speak to me.
When we are going through trials I think sometimes we don’t want to slow down. We don’t want to have time to think. We need that busy-ness in our lives.
Elder packer has said
“Inspiration comes more easily in peaceful settings. Such words as quiet, still, peaceable, Comforter abound in the scriptures: “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10) And the promise, “You shall receive my Spirit, the Holy Ghost, even the Comforter, which shall teach you the peaceable things of the kingdom.” (D&C 36:2)”
During that hard time, allowing myself to be still gave me one piece of revelation that I hold true and treasure in my heart to this day.
Finding peace in trials can come from slowing down and allowing the spirit to speak to us.
I remember googling a postpartum class in my area and there was one. 45 minutes away. And it began in an hour. I told Brentyn about it unsure of going and I’d never seen him move so quick or speak so surely of something. He practically dragged me to the car, loaded the two kids and drove me.
The woman in that class was heaven sent. Everything she taught and talked about that night, I was the textbook definition for it. Answers came! Her experiences gave me hope and peace that things would get better.
For me, one way of finding peace through trials was through other people.
Reflecting back on it, Brentyn was my rock. All I’d have to say was- I’m struggling and he’d be there listening to me talk for a good few hours when I knew he had other things to get done.
Elder Holland has said
“I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods….Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind.”
Finding peace in trials can come from angels.. on both sides of the veil.
I remember asking for blessings. Sometimes multiple times a week. Just wanting this heavy burden to be taken from me. As much as I thought it would, or really really hoped that this priesthood blessing would be like magic, I learned the Savior was there to walk along side me during this time. We can walk with him through prayer, scriptures, listening to and heeding counsel through priesthood blessings.
Mosiah 24:14 "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage."
The savior Eases our burdens while we are in bondage.
Finding peace in trials can come from walking alongside the savior.
One part of finding peace in trials that I never want to forget is knowing who you are. Not just who you think you are, but knowing your divine potential. Knowing who you truly are and your purpose on earth. Trials come and they are brutal. It is easy to get lost in the hustle and grind of it all. In gospel topics we read “Because of our divine parentage, we each have divine potential. This divine origin defines our true identity.” Knowing and having a testimony that I was a daughter of God, that I had made covenants and that I had potential helped me more than anything I could have asked for in any course or quick fix.
Finding peace in trials can come from knowing who you are and what Heavenly Father expects you to become.
2 Nephi 2:15 “It must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter.”
This scripture is near to me. In trials, and especially in the one I had mentioned today, you may feel like there is no choice. You may feel defeated and alone. I have such a strong testimony that there is agency in everything. Our actions, our words, even down to our thoughts. Heavenly Father wants us to be agents unto ourselves and to act.
Finding peace in trials can come from agency.
This past conference Elder Eyring spoke of peace and gave five truths for finding peace.
“First, the gift of peace is given after we have the faith to keep His commandments.
Second, the Holy Ghost will come and abide with us. The Lord says that as we continue to be faithful, the Holy Ghost will dwell in us. That is the promise in the sacramental prayer that the Spirit will be our companion and that we will feel, in our hearts and minds, His comfort.
Third, the Savior promises that as we keep our covenants, we can feel the love of the Father and the Son for each other and for us.
Fourth, keeping the Lord’s commandments requires more than obedience. We are to love God with all our heart, might, mind, and soul.
Fifth, it is clear that the Lord loved us enough to pay the price of our sins so that we can—through our faith in Him and our repentance, through the effects of His Atonement—have the gift of the peace that “passeth all understanding,” in this life and with Him eternally."
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:26–27)
Finding peace can take work. Heavenly Father is capable of many things, but looking back now I am eternally grateful I was not given peace by just simply asking for it. I am grateful that peace didn’t come just by taking the trial away. I am grateful I worked for it. I am grateful for the tools given, that answers received, the angels on both sides of the veil to help me through. I know that as my four year old said, “and Jesus helped me.”