How has it been A WHOLE YEAR since i've written!? so so much has happened and if you follow me on social media I'm sure you're up to date! To spare you too many of the details I'll just list our top two.
-Brentyn and I welcomed in our sweet Magnolia. We now have FOUR girls.
-We began being a Travel Nurse Family. We started in New Mexico and we are currently in Northern Idaho.
I guess it's been so hard for me to write because i've been so inconsistent for so long, and I just feel like I've been at a good place so it's not on my mind as much. (But I do want improve and have this blog be a bit more of a priority.) Don't get me wrong, the hard days still come, the panic attacks hit, the intrusive thoughts stream in, but I feel more confident in how to handle it all now. I mean, isn't that the ultimate goal? At least for me, I've always just wanted to be confident in how to handle my thoughts. Not confident in my thoughts, because i've learned thoughts are just thoughts. Our brain constantly offers us thoughts. But what are we to do with them? How are we going to respond? I feel like before, I would react to my thoughts. I would push them away or have a panic attack or try to figure out what that specific thought meant for me as a person, or a mother, and then give that thought a meaning.
A couple of things,
1) Thoughts don't mean anything unless you attach a meaning to it. (Super weird concept, I know.)
2) You have to respond to your thoughts. Acknowledge the thought. It doesn't have to mean it's a right thought, but acknowledge that it's a thought and that you have it.
3) One of the biggest things that I hope to write about soon is that we have complete Agency in the fact of what do we do with these thoughts. I see Agency or the ability to choose in everything. I am so grateful for it and will definitely be posting all of my thoughts on that soon!
So back to my ultimate goal. I want to know and be confident that thoughts do not define me. That I am one that can act, and not have my thoughts force me to be acted upon.
Another reason i've been so MIA for a year is because sometimes I feel like I have no clue what to write about. But tonight a thought hit me like a ton of bricks.
As I was getting Magnolia ready for bed I was feeding her and of course, scrolling through my phone. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her big brown eyes staring up at me. So, I put my phone down. I stared back into those big round eyes and just gazed at her. I sang to her. I talked to her. When was the last time I sang to my fourth daughter-just me and her? I couldn't tell you!
What a time to be alive! What a season I am in. What a moment that I have to share with my sweet daughter. One that I will never get back. These moments pass so quickly. I say all this to get down to one thought-What are we missing out on because we are just scrolling on our phones? What conversations with our kids are we not truly present in because we are keeping up with the latest reel? Because we are buffering, or because it's just easiest! I'm not saying social media is ALL bad, but I am saying there is a time and a place. My mission president's wife used to say "Be where you are!" How true is that. Be present. Look up. Pay attention to your kids, your friends, your neighbors. Slow down on the multi tasking. I think as we do this more we will be more likely to Hear Him.